Navigating the Unplanned, with Heike Yates

Summary

In this warm and energetic conversation, Heike Yates shares her journey of navigating chaos, rebuilding self-trust and pursuing her spark through life's unexpected turns. Heike’s experiences from moving abroad to reinventing her purpose can empower anyone (at any stage of life) to embrace change, roll with the punches, find their inner spark and trust their own wisdom. 

Topics

• Moving abroad before the Internet age
• Dealing with the unplanned in life
• "You have to roll with the punches and go with the flow."
• How Heike rebuilt her brand, several times
• "Stop doubting yourself; you've already learned so much."
• Rebuilding self-trust in midlife
• The importance of embracing change and uncertainty

Chapters
00:00 Navigating Chaos: Heike's Journey to Freedom
05:36 Embracing Unplanned Life Changes
07:35 Learning: roll with the punches
09:08 Pursue Your Spark: A New Beginning
13:23 Understanding the Needs of Midlife Women
18:05 Rebuilding Self-Trust in a Chaotic World
20:19 Looking Ahead: Future Aspirations

Keywords
self-trust, chaos, life transitions, midlife, empowerment, personal growth, pursuing your spark, resilience, international move, menopause

Guest Contact Details:
Heike can be contacted via
Website: https://heikeyates.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pursueyourspark

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heikeyates/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/heike-yates/

Substack: https://substack.com/@heikeyates

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQIeOesGLGAOD5RhI2KYjcA

Podcast - Pursue Your Spark: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pursue-your-spark-midlife-fitness-nutrition-mindset/id1231586317

Book - Pursue Your Spark: https://amzn.to/4mD5xL7 

Thanks to Jacopo Lazzaretti for the intro/outro music:  https://jacopolazzaretti.bandcamp.com/album/secret-love

For all contact details (including our Associates) and useful self-worth resources, see www.SelfWorthAcademy.com

Transcript

John Niland (00:00)

Welcome to Self-Worth in Times of Chaos. My guest today is Heike Yates. Heike is herself a podcast host. She's also the author of "Pursue Your Spark". She works with midlife women who are in many cases rebuilding a sense of self-trust and in some cases more than that. We'll be coming to that later. Welcome Heike.

Heike Yates (00:25)

Thank you so much for having me, John. My pleasure.

John Niland (00:28)

Let's begin with the chaos, shall we? Because that's usually where we do our disruption or unsettling or any whatever word works for you. What's your experience?

Heike Yates (00:40)

You know, I think the most unsettling that as I go look back into my life was moving from Germany to the United States over 40 years ago, all by myself. I just didn't like to live in Germany. Everything was restrictive and people knew what you were doing. And I grew up in a small town, so the neighbors knew when you left the house, when you came back, if you had guests or not. I just, needed...

breathing room, I needed space. And from a young age, the thing I always craved the most is freedom. moving here to the States, because friends of mine had been in there, they were just raving about the United States and the width of the country and the openness and the space. And I didn't want to come to the States as a nanny and, you know, tend to other people's kids. So I had a plan, but

I went all by myself. didn't have anybody other than the people I worked for at the embassy to help me, support me in what was going on at that point. And that's 43 years ago now.

John Niland (01:50)

And I guess we need to recall here that moving internationally 43 years ago was very, very different to today. We didn't have social media groups that we could join in advance and check out the place. We didn't have the internet. We didn't have a lot of things. What was most unsettling about that experience?

Heike Yates (02:09)

that I didn't know what to expect, whether I would like the people I was going to work with, because I didn't know the people either. I had prepared to go to the States and I took extra English classes so I would be able to communicate with, not within the embassy, because it was the German embassy, but outside and that I could function in a country that I didn't know where the grocery store was. I had no friends. So when you think about, what do I do after work? My only friends were the people at the embassy.

And honestly, I didn't want to be with Germans. I was coming here to be with Americans, locals, not the people that I already knew that I was running away from basically. And that was disturbing. And you know, I remember one time I went, they put me up in a hotel for the first month, since I didn't have a place to live yet. And so I was watching TV and learning the language, the, the,

the not the British English, but the American English in there is a difference. And I went to the grocery store and I bought things and I was so proud of myself that I bought all the groceries for me for the hotel room. And the lady said something to me at the checkout and I'm looking at her and I say, excuse me. And she said it again. I had no idea what she was asking me. I had no clue. And I stood there like, I felt like an idiot. It's like, I had all these classes and now I know nothing.

And then she pointed and I was like, ⁓ here's the price. Do you need a bag? ⁓ okay. You feel so well in it.

John Niland (03:49)

Yeah, well, chaos takes many forms and the everyday experience at a supermarket can very definitely be part of that. But it sounds exhilarating as well in the way you describe it.

Heike Yates (04:03)

⁓ yeah, I was so proud of myself that after all, I managed to get myself groceries without the help of my colleagues from the embassy. Cause they would go with me everywhere and they explain things. And I was like, I want to experience it myself. I want to see what it's like doing it all by myself. And I said, you know, I don't want to move near the German people where they are living and they encouraged me to do that. And I said, no.

I want to experience what it's like. That's why I'm here, not to live the bubble and live in that bubble of the German motherhood, so to speak. And then not really enjoy the people and go through the difficulties like getting groceries, that simple.

John Niland (04:50)

What was it like?

Heike Yates (04:53)

I loved it. I loved everything about it. All the complications and all the like. And you made a good point, John. There was no Google Translate on my phone. So I had to rely on pictures of the groceries, of what most likely I would buy. And I couldn't understand the ingredients that well. I mean, yes, I had practiced and I knew my words and my sentences and all this, but

putting it in reality was quite a different story.

John Niland (05:26)

Very different. So moving on from there, what other experiences of the unplanned did you have in your life today?

Heike Yates (05:36)

Oh, you know what, John? One thing about me is I say literally yes to everything. If you ask me, Hikey, do you want to do this? And I'll probably go, sure. I don't even know what it is. And that's how I got myself to have unexpectedly two children. Right.

John Niland (05:57)

That's an impasse, yes.

Heike Yates (05:59)

It was, mean, I was like, my goodness, what did I just do? Because my plan was to move from embassy to embassy. Every three years I go to the Foreign Service in a different country because my freedom was the most important thing to me. And I had planned this out. So in three years after Washington, D.C., I'll go to wherever they send me next. And then I met my first husband and madly in love. And I hope this is not too much for your listeners, but we practiced air quotes.

safe sex, and suddenly I had a son. And that then changed my whole plan. I sometimes say it went from an adventure of freedom to a mom adventure because then three years later my daughter was born under the same circumstances. We're like, we're good. We're not doing this again. Boom, there she was. ⁓

And you would have thought I would learn by now, but that changed everything. Suddenly I was a stay home mom. I left the embassy and I said, well, I want to raise my kids. I want to spend as much time with those little munchkins as I can. But suddenly I had no money. Suddenly I had no freedom. I was tied down at home. I was the housewife, which I know some women may think this is their joy. Please don't misunderstand me. If this is your thing.

I love you for it, but it wasn't for me, because that's not how I envisioned my life to be.

John Niland (07:34)

Hmm. Yeah. So I'm picturing you there on your own at home as the housewife, without an income, without the structure that work gives and in a different country. What did you learn from that?

Heike Yates (07:57)

that you have to roll with the punches. Number one, go with the flow, see to make the best out of each situation, and also be open that things are not going great all the time. That yes, I never planned on having children, now I have two, and they're the most precious thing in my life, but I didn't run away, which was an option to go back to Germany.

and see, you know, go back to the motherhood again, run back to Germany, take the kids. And eventually I was divorced, so that was an option with that. But I think that roll with the punches, be flexible, and don't forget about yourself along the way. Don't forget about the dreams that you had because now you're catering to a whole bunch of people that, and that's sometimes beyond your control.

John Niland (08:56)

Well, no, that's a perfect segue to the work you're doing today, really, because as we know, there are many people in the world who are having to roll with the punches because there's no shortage of punches, is there? Tell me a little bit about what prompted Pursue Your Spark.

Heike Yates (09:09)

So.

I still have a brick and mortar studio where I see people in person. So I train men and women in my studio, virtually in person, and it's very private and everybody wants the same time slot. Tuesday, eight o'clock. And you can only see so many people at eight o'clock on Tuesday. So I said, what can I do? And I said, I need to develop an online brand.

I have.

John Niland (09:47)

This is a fitness studio for anyone that's this thing, right?

Heike Yates (09:50)

Yes, it's a fitness Pilates studio where I teach fitness, Pilates, talk about nutrition as a sports nutrition coach. So we combine all of this, but it's my own private space that I've created in the last 12 years. ⁓ so when people come to their workouts, they only can come on the time slots that I have. And I was wondering what would be a good way to create something that is not tied to me, that people still have access to me.

and ⁓ can work with me virtually through a program that I have, my Pursue Your Spark blueprint. instead of, know, three people want the same slot at the same day. And so initially Pursue Your Spark was called, talk about chaos, clear the clutter. I'm a tidy person. I'm an organized person and I wanted, and I thought, this is great. Everybody wants this.

Everybody wants to be organized and tidy and know where they're going and structured and all of this. So I started out with clear your clutter.

John Niland (10:58)

Chaos mission.

Heike Yates (11:00)

And honestly, I didn't enjoy it. I didn't love it. was like, come on, what do I want to talk about? Hairpin cleanup or, you know, clean up your nutrition. Well, we talked about this already so much that I let go of this. And then my next passion became the menopause game plan. Cause at that point, as you can hear, I had aged and I was in menopause at that point. I'm thinking, what?

great skill do I have now to help all those women in menopause? That will be perfect for me. I know so much about nutrition and fitness and mindset strategies, working with my clients. This will be great. I, again, did not like it. There were so many women that I came across that really were suffering during that time. And I could give them what I call surface information.

But the deep information has to come from their medical community where I'm not a doctor. I'm not anything. I can't prescribe any drugs or help with that. I can help with surface level things, which are helpful. But then the women that really were suffering, I felt so bad that I couldn't do more for them that I ditched it. I said, okay, we need to rebrand again.

And so that was over like three years that constant rebranding. And then I say, but I still want to do what I do. What could this be? And I came up like with lists and lists. asked friends and someone said, what about pursue your spark? And I said, huh. And the person that I mention here is Barbara. She is a...

Also, she lives in Europe and she's a speech pathologist and she was helping me working through the words and what would resonate. And she says, you know what? Pursue your spark is for anything you want to talk about for any age because we all want to pursue a spark that's within us that we see in the future. And it has longevity as a brand. That's how Pursue Your Spark was born. ⁓

John Niland (13:25)

So who do you work with today and what kind of chaos and challenges are they going through?

Heike Yates (13:30)

Oh my God. Talk about chaoses from women, mostly women in my Pursuyer Spark. There are some men, they're keeping very much in the background. I know men have bought my book, man are in the groups and stuff. I was like, I see you there. I know you're listening, but it's, it's a good thing. It's a great thing. And cause men also go through menopause. So, but it's primarily 40 to 80. Now.

This is the group on the interwebs as I like to call them. In my studio, my oldest client just turned 100 and my youngest client is 35. So I have a big range, but primarily through Pursue Your Spark, I address the needs of women from 40 to 80. I picked, cause when we say midlife, everybody thinks 50 is midlife.

women have become so much more resilient, educated, and forward moving that there is really no limit. when 40 is a time when many women go through changes, the kids leave the house, they may have changes in their careers, but there's a big aha moment at 40. At 50, many of them are dealing with menopause and similar situations again. Okay, now.

Now I am in the menopausal age, what do I do next? Then we have the people like me, I just turned 65 this week. And I feel like I'm not done. You you think, oh, she's 65, she's gonna retire, she's gonna whatever she's doing, but I'm not done. I'm just getting started with more. And then I went to 80 because the person who initiated

actually the content of the book is 80.

John Niland (15:26)

Hmm.

How very intriguing, how did they initiate the content of the book?

Heike Yates (15:35)

This is a client I've known in person for many years. So she comes to my private Pilates sessions and we've talking and her husband in the recent couple of years fell ill and he's really not well. And she feels like she's tethered to the house. He can't do a lot of things by himself or she needs to take him places. And so she's missing out on her life. She says, Hi, I can't even go to my church choir because he says, when will you be back?

How long will you be? ⁓ I'm gonna be here by myself. And she just feels so torn and guilty and worrisome about what will be next for her in her life. And so her daughter said, listen, mom, here's what we're gonna do. We're find somebody for dad. Another family member can take care of dad and you come and visit me. And she's like, okay, this will work for me. So for a long weekend, she went to visit her daughter.

and they did mother daughter things. And then she comes back after the weekend to our session and she is beaming. And I said, what kind of a weekend did you have? And she said, Haikei was the best time. She said, we did mother daughter talks. I slept in, I read a book, we went for lunch. We just talked without anybody budging in or interrupting us. It was the best time. I feel like myself again.

And I looked at her and I said, huh, you know, when I heard up until that point, I want to feel like myself again, I related in the message as in I want to be like my 20 year old. I want to have the body when I was 30. I want to be free when I was in my 40s or whatever the age groups are, or I want to have the energy like I had in my 30s.

But what I understood at that moment is that in between space that I'm talking about is I can feel like myself at any age wherever I am. I don't have to be the younger version, but the version as I'm existing right now.

John Niland (17:47)

Yeah, yeah. And there seems to be something in that about trust as well. You mentioned at the very beginning, or perhaps I did when I was introducing you, this rekindling or rebuilding of self-trust. Can you say a bit more about that?

Heike Yates (18:05)

this is so, important because we are daily, hourly, inundated with more information, with more things to do, with many things to change, with how should I do it better? now you should exercise this way. This way is no longer good. ⁓ now you need to eat that way. Eating like you have been for the past 40 years is no longer good. And I want women to really dig deep and see

and understand how much they already know, how smart they are, how many choices they have that they keep doubting instead of embracing their knowledge. When we say we're getting older, we're getting smarter, it's really true. I swear that we've learned all of this. We put it in our memory bank and we have this knowledge and this understanding that

Only people our ages have or our age you are, whether you're 40 or you're 80, but at this point, you can really rely on what have you done before? What has worked, what hasn't worked? stop doubting yourself that things are wrong, which I hear so many women do. Oh, I probably get it wrong. You can't get it wrong because you're trying something and you're remembering something that you did before.

And now you can really embrace that knowledge and you're not doing anything wrong because not having self-trust, in my point of view, John, makes everything you did before invalid. It was not good enough. It wasn't helping you getting to where you are now. And that is not true.

John Niland (19:49)

But I'm sure a lot of people, particularly in the current economic climate, with all that's happening around the world right now, even as we record, I'm sure a lot of people will see the relevance of that message to current life. By the way, the book and the podcast that has already been mentioned here in this conversation will be in the show notes as there will be contact details for HIKI as well. Let's come back to you.

before we wrap up today. What's next for you?

Heike Yates (20:25)

my God. First off, I had an amazing birthday. ⁓ got to see my favorite comedian, Michael McIntyre, who is British.

John Niland (20:34)

Brilliant. Yeah.

Heike Yates (20:36)

I keep, I've been watching him on YouTube for a whole year and I have seen all of his sticks and he was here in Washington DC. That was my ⁓ birthday present to myself from my husband. Of course, he's like, let's go and do this. He was amazing. The other thing I did this year for my birthday, which I do every year, I traveled to a country I haven't been to, which was this year was Columbia. And then the next thing.

We're doing, and I'm so excited, we're buying an apartment in Portugal. This is where life is going to be. We've been visiting Portugal for the last year and a half, and we love everything about it. We love the people, the food, the wine, the climate, the everything about it. And we said, why don't we just, as a European, my husband is also from Germany, let's move back or have

a place where we can move back, but not Germany. We both don't want to do that. So we said Portugal. We visited Spain, we visited France, but Portugal really spoke to us. And so this is at the moment, we're in the process of buying an apartment. So guys, keep your fingers crossed for me. So the next time you hear from me, I'll be in Portugal.

John Niland (21:53)

Fantastic. Well, be careful with sparks during the summer season here if you're in Portugal, because we've had many problems with wildfires over the last two years. Anyway, it sounds like there's an awful lot of life and an awful lot of spark. ⁓ By the way, we didn't know about our mutual Portugal connection until the very start of this conversation, did we?

Heike Yates (22:18)

I

love this. I love, love, it.

John Niland (22:21)

Great to have you on the show today. Thank you very much for joining in, Hickey. ⁓ Comments and details will be in the show notes.

Heike Yates (22:28)

Thank you, John. My pleasure.